Zoods

Hobbys – We’ve found a hobby for each Starsign!

We’ve found a hobby for each Starsign! Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s get one thing straight – astrology! Now, do I believe that the alignment of stars at your birth can dictate your entire personality and life’s trajectory? If that’s true, why is my Aquarius friend who was supposed to be the next Bill Gates still struggling to open a Microsoft Word document? But I believe it would be fair – and not to mention, absolutely hilarious – if we could assign hobbies to these Zodiac signs, don’t you think? Let’s start with Aries, the fiery Ram. Now, they’re all about action, aren’t they? It’s not enough for them to just sit on a couch all day, they need to BUILD the couch! IKEA, are you listening? We’ve identified your entire customer demographic! Nothing satisfies an Aries like grueling manual labor mixed with picture-book instructions that require decoding skills equivalent to a cryptographer. Now Taurus, my friend, that’s a different story. They are supposed to love comfort and luxury, right? So, let’s set them up in a spa reviewing job. But let’s be realistic; for a Taurus, the idea of ‘luxury’ extends to being able to eat an entire pizza by themselves while watching ‘The Crown’. That’s not a hobby, it’s a lifestyle! Then we have Gemini. Denied the luxury of having one solid personality, these guys get to play with two. And a hobby to keep them both engaged? Easy, sock puppetry! Imagine the conversations between their two beings, ‘Hello, Gemini 1 meet Gemini 2!’ It’s a match made in heaven. Or, Gemini heaven, at least. Cancer, you cozy little Crab! The hobby that suits you best is ‘nesting’. Not literal nesting, mind you, but as a close enough analogy – interior decorating! Now, if only they could stop redecorating every week, their partners would rescue the delivery guy from becoming a spontaneous guest at their constantly revamped home! Leo, the king of the jungle, or as we know them, the king of drama! So naturally (or supernaturally?), their hobby should be writing and performing their own one-man show…in their living room…to an audience comprising primarily of their cat. The reviews, ladies and gents, are truly mixed! Virgo, the perfectionist. Now, what would entertain them? Oh, I know – proofreading! Nothing whips a Virgo into a frenzy like spotting a misplaced apostrophe on a café menu or an ill-placed comma in a text message. It’s like a picture puzzle, where the prize is a tiny burst of superiority! Libras – the fair and balanced. Their hobby? Watching courtroom dramas. Where else do they see such large amounts of deliberation and weighing of decisions, just like they do while deciding whether to have tea or coffee? Scorpio, oh boisterous Scorpio. We’ll assign you a hobby worthy of your intensity – Bingo. Yes, you heard it. Because nothing quite matches the high-stakes adrenaline rush like having your hopes pinned on ‘two fat ducks, 22’! As for Sagittarius, the explorer, random Google Earth explorations might be their go-to hobby. Jump from the streets of Paris to the beaches of Bali, all whilst in their pajamas. Every day is a travel day! Capricorns – serious, hardworking and mature. So, what would be interesting? Model train building, of course! What else would require such dedication, patience and precision? Now, if there is a way to commute to work in a model train, they might just crack it! Aquarians, the innovators, are great at upcycling things. A broken toaster turned plant pot? Why not! Old jeans transformed into a tote bag? Now, that’s some environmentally friendly haute couture! And finally, Pisces, the artistic ones. Abstract Painting! That way, no one can tell whether it’s a masterpiece or just something they saw in their dreams. Either way, they get to express their creativity! And that’s it folks! A fun take on hobbies for every Zodiac sign. Want to argue? Blame it on the stars! Until next time, remember it’s all fun and games until Mercury’s in retrograde!

Hobbys – We’ve found a hobby for each Starsign! Read More »

Technology – We’ve ranked the Zoodiac Star Signs by technological ability

We’ve ranked the Zoodiac Star Signs by technological ability Hello, Luddites and Geeks, Today, in a feat that would make Stephen Hawking spin in his hyperspace, we’re going to rank the Zodiac signs according to their aptitude for TECHNOLOGY! That’s right, we’re weaving together the ancient cosmos and the Jetsons in one unpredictable, star-spangled spectacular! Coming up last, we have Cancer. The Crab. Great at creating a cozy home, sure, but I mean, seriously…a crab? Have you ever tried to watch a crab use an iPhone? It’s hilarious. “Oh, no! I’ve got it… no, wait, that’s a rock.” Crabs and technology have as much compatibility as Donald Trump and humility. Cancers are the sort of people who refuse to update their software until the device becomes as obsolete as a typewriter. Cancerians, you rank 12th and I send my condolences. In eleventh place we have – drum roll, please… Taurus! Bulls and china shops come to mind. Well, technology is the new china shop, and Taurus… you’d be better off using a rotary phone, my friend. The good thing about Taurus, though, is that once they finally understand how to use an app, they use it with such stubborn routine it’d make a machine nervous. Next up, sneaking in at tenth, is the ever-sensitive Pisces. They are to technology what a vegan is to a butcher’s shop: uncomfortable and slightly distressed. Squinting at screens like they’re trying to read Morse code, and asking questions like, “Is the Cloud actual weather? Does it rain data? I don’t understand!” Now we come to the ninth position, the Virgos. The perfectionists of the Zodiac, and boy, does it show. They’ll have all the latest apps, up-to-date software, and the fanciest gadgets. But using them? That’s another story. You’ll find a Virgo three weeks deep into a gadget manual, cross-referencing it with an online forum. Virgo, you’d have mastered technology by now if you stopped trying to correct it. Riding into eighth, we have Sagittarius – adventurous, fun-loving, and eternally lost in the labyrinth of online streaming. Any Sagittarians here might relate: “Sure, I’d love to hang out, but I’m only one season away from knowing if dragons really can beat zombies.” Sliding comfortably into seventh is our friendly neighborhood Libra. Trying to balance everything all at once, social media savvy, but petrified of the online world’s lack of aesthetics. “Sure, I can download the app, but do they have it in pastel pink?” At the sixth slot, we have our fiery Leo. They’re present on every social media platform you can think of, and some you can’t even pronounce. Leo doesn’t have followers. They have fan clubs. They’ve never actually downloaded an app, but that’s because one of their many followers did it for them. Entering our top five, we have Capricorn. Old is gold for our sure-footed friends, who love their tech as vintage as their vinyl records. Bet you a Capricorn invented the “phone stack” game at dinner, but if their smartphone looked more like a gramophone, they’d be first place. Showing up in fourth place is the airy, eccentric Aquarius. Tech-savvy, yes, but they prefer their gadgets to have a touch of Telsa meets “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”. They’re less into social media, more into creating alternative realities. Coming in at a respectable third place, we have Aries. Fearless and quick to the punch. The very definition of the ‘early adopter’ – They’d have the latest iPhone delivered via drone to their doorstep, but may welll be unable to find the on-off button for weeks after that. In second place are the ever-curious Geminis. They don’t use technology. They converse with it. Geminis are the folks who ask their smart devices existential questions for fun and have ongoing debates with their satnavs. And now, for our techno altruist, our digital wizard, the first of the Zodiac, it’s the Scorpion: Scorpio! Part Hawking, part Jobs, full-on tech-wizard. They’re two steps ahead of the latest trends, and they’ll fix your smartphone while winning a Fortnite battle. That’s the horoscope rundown, folks. Don’t shoot the messenger…or me! Remember, whether you’re more crab than coder or more Scorpio than Luddite, the stars are just having a laugh, and so am I!

Technology – We’ve ranked the Zoodiac Star Signs by technological ability Read More »

New Years resolutions for each Starsign

All Zoods, The Holidays / Zoods

New Years resolutions for each Starsign. Let’s kick things off with Aries, shall we? Always the first to dive into things, headfirst. This year, Aries, your resolution is to try jumping in feet first sometimes. It’s not because you’re bad at headfirst; it’s just that it’d be nice to see an Aries who isn’t constantly nursing a headache. Next is Taurus, the stubborn bull. Taurus, your New Year’s resolution is to stop headbutting the fridge when there’s no cake left. Here’s an idea, next time buy TWO desserts, one for now, and one for later when things get desperate! Ahh, Gemini, the twins. Your resolution is simple: cease the eternal argument about what to order on JustEat. You know it always ends up being pizza anyway! Cancer, my dear emotional crabs. I know last year was rough for you. Your resolution is to stop hoarding emotions like some people hoard toilet paper during a pandemic. Remember, it’s okay to feel, but it’s also okay NOT to feel like the end is nigh when you drop your ice cream. Next up, we’ve got Leo, the lion hearted. This year, your resolution is to accept that not everyone wants you to be King of the Jungle. Some of us are comfortable just being sloths. And speaking of comfort, Virgo, we come to you. Your resolution is to finally understand that color-coding your sock drawer is not a personality trait. Try picking up a hobby… other than organizing stuff. Libra, the balance-obsessed. This year, your resolution is to realize that not everything needs to be a debate. Sometimes, just let people have their cake… even if it’s Taurus! Ah, our intense friend Scorpio. Your resolution is to take a deep breath before jumping into your existential crisis mode. Sometimes life is just like your Wi-Fi signal, it sucks, but a good old refresh can do wonders. Sagittarius, your resolution is to realize that you can’t flee to a different country every time you feel overwhelmed. This is not the Amazing Race! Capricorn, you workaholic. Your New Year’s resolution is to take a day off. No, not to start a second business, not to build a shed. Just lie in bed and watch some pointless reality show. Chaotic relaxation is the theme! Now, Aquarius, your resolution: accept it’s okay to follow the crowd sometimes. You can’t be a world-revolutionizing genius EVERY day. Even Einstein wore normal pants! Lastly, Pisces, your resolution is to stop falling in love with every barista who gives you an extra shot of espresso. Coffee is not love, it’s just a sweet, sweet addiction. And those are your New Year resolutions folks! Remember, laughter is the best medicine, and in this case, a delightful prescription for an entertaining New Year. Cheers to a fabulous new year!

New Years resolutions for each Starsign Read More »

The 10 best things about being a Libran

Libra, Ranking / Zoods

The 10 best things about being a Libran. Ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your sun signs as we talk about Librans! As your friendly neighbourhood comedian-cum-astrologer, I’ve ranked the top ten best things about being a Libran. Trust me, these benefits would even make a Capricorn laugh. Or at least, you know, do whatever it is Capricorns do that’s equivalent to laughing. 1.Number One: Those scales aren’t just for show! Librans could weigh their options between a chocolate bar and cardio as if they were debating the theory of relativity. After all, why sweat out when you can just eat the calories and call it mental exercise! 2.Number two: The ability to charm the socks off everyone. Seriously, you meet a Libran, next thing you know, you’re walking about in bare feet! They’ve got this lovely, easy-going manner that’ll make you think, “Now here’s a straightforward person.” That is, until you discover them weighing options between broccoli and pizza for dinner. 3.Number three: There’s no decision a Libran can’t make…eventually. They’ll take their sweet time, of course, but rest assured that by the time Halley’s Comet swings by again, they’ll have finally decided between skimmed or semi-skimmed milk for their coffee! 4.Number four: Balance, not just on yoga mats! Librans have an amazing ability to balance their lives…and their diets, and their finances and pretty much everything else. They’re the reason we know for sure the world is round – gives them a sense of balance. 5.Number five: Did you say party? Because Librans are always up for one. Librans live by the motto, “Why go through life sober when you can have a glass of wine and make every moment divine!” 6.Number six: Librans, inventors of the selfie! They’ve got a natural charm and photogenic face that even the mirror admires. It’s like, check the mirror “Looking good”, check the fridge mirror “Looking good!”…I am pretty sure if there existed an undercover mirror, they’d look good in that one too! 7.Number seven: Is it hot in here or is it just number 4 – Librans’ love for all things stylish. A Libran would rather be accused of bad manners than bad fashion. 8.Number eight: Diplomacy should be their middle name, really. They could calm a raging bull or a fussy toddler or even a mother-in-law. If United Nations is scouting, they should totally check out a Libran. 9.Number nine: Librans, the Picasso of interior design! Honestly, they can toss a pillow here, place a candlestick there, and before you know it, you’re standing in a room right out of Better Homes & Gardens. 10.Finally and the top spot – their eternal optimism! Their glass isn’t just half full, it’s brimming over. Even when life throws lemons at them, they’re like, “Perfect! I just needed a garnish for my gin and tonic!” So, there you have it, the top 10 reasons why being a Libran is the best! While some might bemoan their indecisiveness, remember, it’s that hesitation that keeps them from choosing a boring life! Never change, Librans, you’re doing cosmic justice to your star sign!

The 10 best things about being a Libran Read More »

The 10 best things about being a Cancerian

Cancer, Ranking / Zoods

The 10 best things about being a Cancerian. Ladies and gentlemen, gather round, gather round… especially all you Cancerians! Yes, that’s right! Us born between June 21st and July 22nd! You know, you’ve got to love being Cancerian, there’s simply SO. MANY. BENEFITS. Here are just ten of them… 1. We are symbolized by a crab. Honestly, why wouldn’t you want to be represented by a creature that looks like it’s permanently auditioning for Riverdance? 2. Everyone admires a Cancer’s loyalty. It’s a beautiful thing… until you mention changing your hairdresser or your football team. Listen here, mate! We’ve had the same barber since we had hair and we’d rather cut our own fringe than betray Gianluigi at the corner shop. 3. We are excellent cooks. And it’s not just about making fantastic meals. No, no, no! We know exactly how to make the smoke alarm sing its lungs out and how to make a fire extinguisher the centrepiece of the kitchen! 4. We are homebodies. Visiting the Great Wall of China? The Pyramids of Giza? Those are alright for some…but have they experienced the pure joy of a BritBox marathon in pyjamas? 5. Cancerians are emotional, and this can be a great thing! If you can’t decide whether to laugh, cry, scream or all three at once, just hang out with a Cancerian. We’ll go through the whole range before teatime! 6. We’re known for being good with money. Admittedly, it’s largely because we can’t remember our online banking password, but still, it counts, doesn’t it? 7. Being protective is in our nature. On the plus side, our loved ones feel safe. On the downside, we’ve been known to give a stern talking to violent-looking potted plants. 8. Oh, the joy of mood swings! Seriously, who needs roller-coasters and fancy adrenaline sports when you have a Cancerian’s emotional spectrum? 9. Our intuition is second to none. We can’t explain how we knew you were about to run out of toilet paper…but also, you’re welcome. 10. Cancerians have a knack for holding grudges. Oh, don’t misunderstand, we don’t hold them forever… just until the next Ice Age. So there you have it, folks! Ten wonderful, spectacular, and downright hilarious reasons why being a Cancerian is just the bee’s knees. Right, I’m off to fuss over my cat and eat my feelings while my dinner sets off the smoke alarm. Cheers!

The 10 best things about being a Cancerian Read More »

The 10 best things about being a Capricorn

Capricorn, Ranking / Zoods

The 10 best things about being a Capricorn. Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare to baaaa-sque in the glory of Capricorn, the goat of the zodiac! I’ve had the incredible pleasure… No, not pleasure, torture of analysing the poor souls born between December 22nd and January 19th. And it turns out: there are around ten fantastic things about being a Capricorn Goat with as much seriousness as when I am following the cooking instructions on a pizza box. 1.Ambition:Ambition is our middle name. I mean, figuratively. My actual middle name is Eugene, but that’s beside the point. We set goals so high, even Elon Musk is like, “Dude, chill out!” We’re out here climbing the career ladder like it’s made of goat cheese. 2.Practical: Capricorns are uber-practical. I mean, we’re practical like a Swiss army knife… with a built-in toaster. Of course, when have you NOT needed a warm slice of toast in the wilderness, right? 3.Discipline: These people are disciplined. You remember those kids in school who’d remind the teacher about homework? No prizes for guessing their star sign, is it? 4.Time Managers: Capricorns are said to be great at time management. Which means they can calculate precisely how many minutes they’ve wasted reading about their horoscope! 5.Stamina We’re the marathon runners of the zodiac. While other signs are sprinting through life, we’re over here pacing ourselves like, “Slow and steady wins the race, and I’ve got the endurance of a goat climbing Mount Everest.” 6.Party planner We know how to party. Okay, maybe not in the wild, crazy, “let’s set the dance floor on fire” kind of way. But we throw the most organized, well-planned parties you’ve ever seen. It’s like event planning is our hidden talent, and we’ve got spreadsheets for every celebration. 7.Self control: Capricorns also possess incredible self-control. You know that one last piece of cake everyone is eyeing but nobody dares to have? Well, Capricorns won’t take it. They don’t need it. … besides we’ve already secretly eaten one backstage. 8.Family: The Capricorn goat loves their kids. And not just their kids … the whole family. And not just their own family. Not even just the concept of family. I think they genuinely love the Family Channel. 9.Reallists:We’re the ultimate realists. If life gives us lemons, we don’t just make lemonade; we analyze the market demand for citrus-based beverages and start a profitable lemonade stand. It’s all about that practical approach, baby.10.Patience: Lastly, Capricorns are known for their patience. Much like how I am tolerating my own ramblings! And there you have it folks! Ten things about Capricorns. They’re like sensible socks, predictable yet comforting, in this insane shoe of life. You’ll always find good use for them. Happy stargazing! Remember, this is as good as astrology gets to being scientifically correct; and me trying to convince you otherwise – that’s the actual comedy here.

The 10 best things about being a Capricorn Read More »

The 10 best things about being a Sagittarius

Ranking, Sagittarius / Zoods

The 10 best things about being a Sagittarian. Alright, let’s give Sagittarians the spotlight! Without wasting any more time, let’s dive into the ten best things about being a Sagittarian! 1.Number one: Don’t mess with me We’re the only astrological sign with a weapon. So, when we say, ‘Don’t mess with us’, you’d better heed the warning! Aquarians, they carry an urn! What are they going to do—wet you to death? 2.Number two: Charisma Sagittarians are ruled by Jupiter, the biggest planet in the solar system! You know what they say about Jupiter, don’t you? It’s so big, it has its own gravitational field! That’s why when a Sagittarian walks into a room, everyone gravitates toward them. No, no, it isn’t because we accidentally sat on the buffet spread, again! 3.Number three:Horsey We’re half man, half horse! I mean, that’s just a party waiting to happen! Imagine the savings on Uber fares! And there’s never a queue at the bar for us because, let’s face it, how many people are going to argue with a Centaur? 4.Number four:Optimistic Sagittarians are the eternal optimists. You may see a damp tea bag, we see a potential second cup of tea! 5.Number five:Honesty For Sagittarians honesty isn’t just a policy – it’s practically a religion. “Does my bum look big in this?” If you don’t want to know, don’t ask a Sagittarian! 6.Number six:Natural Outdoor adventures! We love the outdoors! We love to travel! And could there be anything better? Whether it’s a trek in the wilderness, catching flights to exotic locales, or perfecting the art of getting lost on the way to the supermarket, we Sagittarians are pros! 7.Number seven:Inquisitive Sagittarians are inquisitive. We’re those annoying kids constantly asking ‘Why?’ All the time! “Why is the sky blue?” “Why is water wet?” “Why did you think that mix of floral print with polka dots was a good just idea?” You get the picture. 8.Number eight:Generous We’re known as generous folks. And, why not? After all, anyone who’d willingly lend someone their last Rolo is a true hero in my book! 9.Number nine:Tolerant We are tolerant. You’ve never seen patience until you’ve seen a Sagittarian waiting for the kettle to boil! Staring at it.. “Any time now, Mr. Kettle! I’m not growing any younger!” 10. Number ten: Idealistic And finally, number ten, we are idealistic. Yes, and somewhat naive, you laugh? Remember one man’s naivety is another man’s optimism! We might not have grasped the concept of how to operate the microwave yet but we’re pretty sure world peace is right around the corner! So there you have it, folks, the top ten benefits of being a Sagittarian! To sum it up, we’re honest, generous centaurs, armed with a big bow and an even bigger heart, who walk around like human magnets! And for the rest of you non-Sagittarians… Well, you can just be jealous. Or learn how to shoot a bow and arrow.

The 10 best things about being a Sagittarius Read More »

The 10 best things about being a Aquarians

Aquarius, Ranking / Zoods

The 10 best things about being a Aquarians. Ladles and Jellyspoons, I’m here to tell you all about the wonderful, wacky, and woefully misunderstood creature the Aquarians! Aquarians, those born between January 20th and February 18th, they’re like the quirky cousin at family gatherings who’s dancing in the corner with a lampshade on their head and a glass of champers in their hand – you never quite know what to expect with them. So, let’s dive into the Aquarian ocean, or aquarium if you will, and explore the ten best things about being an Aquarian! 1.Aquarians are virtually Google! Point number one, and arguably the most hilarious one – Aquarians are virtually Google! Seriously, their brains are like vast networks of interconnected trivia. Name any topic, and they’ll spill out facts like an overturned encyclopedia. “Oh, you were wondering about the migratory patterns of the Sri Lankan flying squirrel? Well, let me tell you…” It’s absolutely mad! They don’t need Wikipedia, they are Wikipedia. 2.Champions Number two, they’re the ultimate truth or dare champions! See, their renowned unpredictability becomes an advantage here because “Oh, I’ll just choose truth this time, keep it safe you know…” and then BAM! Before you know it, they’re running down the street in their underwear, juggling a pineapple and a couple of angry cats, screaming “Long live the Queen!” If you ever end up playing a game with them, be prepared for a wild ride! 3. Social butterflies Third on the list: They’re the social butterflies of the zodiac – if the butterflies were on Red Bull. Aquarians can keep entire rooms hooked to their words, and they do this without even trying! They don’t need social media; people are drawn to them like moths to a flame. Their parties must be like being inside a pinball machine with extra flashing lights! 4.Fourth Number four – Innovation is their middle name. If Aquarians were kitchen utensils, they’d be a Swiss army knife-cum-space shuttle hybrid. Amazing, right? They always have the most unique solutions to any problem. “Oh, your car won’t start? Have you tried doing the hula whilst wearing a tinfoil hat under the full moon? That usually does the trick for me.” And the crazy part is, it does work for them! 5.Ideal Peter Pans! Fifth on my list is that Aquarians are your ideal Peter Pans! They may grow old, but they never grow up. With their spark of childlike curiosity and the genuine joy they find in everything, they keep you laughing and smiling. And, isn’t laughter the best remedy for growing old? Aquarian: the Peter Pan of the cosmos. 6.Calm and composed For point number six, we have a somewhat unpopular point: They are incredibly hard to annoy! Seriously, they are so calm and composed it’s infuriating! Even when you’re deliberately trying to wind them up, they’d just shrug it off and ask you, “What’s the capital of Bhutan?” with a smirk. Makes you want to pull your hair out! 7.No fear, No fuss Moving on to number seven, let’s talk about their independence. They’re like the horoscope equivalent of Bear Grylls – no fear, no fuss. If you drop an Aquarian on a remote island, they’d probably build a luxury resort out of coconuts and teach the local critters to serve cocktails! 8.Fashion sense Number eight, their fashion sense! Aquarians do not follow trends. They set them. They’ll walk down the street in rainbow leggings and a sombrero worn sideways, and by the week’s end, everyone in town is doing it! They’re like Vogue, but unpredictable and slightly tipsy! 9.Fighting spirit At number nine, we have their fighting spirit. Aquarians always have a sparkle in their eyes and a grin on their face… but when the chips are down, they morph into the fiercest predator – the sharpest beak loaded with leathal weapons, ready to do battlle in khaki combat trousers! 10.Finally The best thing about being a Gemini, haa And finally, number ten, the peak of the Aquarian iceberg – their humility! Despite all their talents and their quirks, they always remain grounded. Making fun of themselves before anyone else can, they’re the masters of self-deprecating humour. And that’s why we can’t help but adore them!nds down, is that they always have someone to blame… ‘Wasn’t me, it was my twin.’ So there you have it, folks. Ten reasons why being an Aquarian is the best! I tell you, if I could choose my star sign, I’d go Aquarian all the way. Until next time, keep laughing at the stars!

The 10 best things about being a Aquarians Read More »

The 10 best things about being a Gemini

Gemini, Ranking / Zoods

The 10 best things about being a Gemini. I’m here to discuss the top ten things about being a Gemini, the zodiac’s favorite communication-crazed twins. I mean, how else can you explain the incessant talking, right? 1.Variety Variety is the spice of life for Geminis. God forbid they get bored! You know, a Gemini will go bungee jumping, skydiving, and try out a cooking class all in the same day just to punctuate their “mediocre” Tuesday. 2.The twins’ symbol The twins’ symbol is perfect for a Gemini – the only star sign that gets to order two meals at a restaurant without feeling guilty, ‘because the other half needs feeding too, right?’ 3.Geminis are butterflies Geminis are often likened to butterflies, fluttering from group to group, soaking up all the gossip. Never fear, your secrets are safe…well, as safe as the last person they chatted with at the bar…or was it the postman? 4.Fourth If social media ever went down, Geminis would take it upon themselves to personally pass on all the world’s information. Carrier pigeons have nothing on them! 5.Adventure Geminis have, what I call, ‘communication superpowers.’ They could persuade a fish to climb a tree, and convincingly tell you it was the fish’s idea all along! 6.Passion Quick-witted would be an understatement for Geminis; before you’ve even finished your sentence, they’ve got a response, a joke, and a short novel ready. 7.Leader Oh, and talk about being adaptable. A Gemini could blend seamlessly between an opera house and a rock concert, charming their way through both crowds with the same charismatic ease. 8.Secret Geminis could single-handedly keep coffee shops in business. I mean, they act as if instant coffee is some sort of crime against humanity. And let’s not even start on their order – “I’ll have a double chocolate caramel macchiato with a splash of almond milk, touch of cinnamon, and three whipped cream dollops please…” 9.Independent Being born under an air sign, Geminis, like Mary Poppins, seem to be carried by the wind. You never know where they’ll appear next… unless it’s an event without Wi-Fi, then you can safely assume they’re at home. 10.Finally The best thing about being a Gemini, hands down, is that they always have someone to blame… ‘Wasn’t me, it was my twin.’ And there you have it, folks, the thrilling tale of being a Gemini: constant chatter, infinite charm, and a magical ability to be in two places at once…or at least, make two dinner reservations at once. Just when you think you’ve figured them out, they leave you wondering, “Wait, which twin was that again?”

The 10 best things about being a Gemini Read More »

The 10 best things about being a Aries

Leave a Comment / Aries, Ranking / Zoods

The 10 best things about being a Aries. Good evening ladies and gents! You’ve probably noticed by now… I’m a bit energetic! Zipping around the stage like a toddler on energy drinks! And why is that, you may ask? Well, I’ll let you in on my little secret. I’m an ARIES! The astrological equivalent of a caffeine addict! “An Aries?” you say. The strongest, fiercest, most energetic of the zodiac? Yes, my friends. and let me enlighten you about the ten best things that make us the best. 1.First let’s start with our symbol, the RAM. Well I’m the ultimate Ram raider – A rhino!. Horn sharpened and ready to go! Even if we simply wanted to butter our toast, we’d tackle it head on! Full speed ahead – you should see the condition of my kitchen! 2.We’re ruled by Mars The RED planet! Not some watery moon or sunny sun, we’ve got a planet named after a chocolate bar! Yes, for an Aries, you don’t just go Mars… You live Mars, you are Mars! And my waistline agrees! 3.Confidence But that’s not all! We Aries… we spill confidence! It’s like a disease, honestly. I once accidentally convinced a man I was a seasoned astronaut… while buying socks! He’s probably still waiting for me to land on the moon! 4.Fourth Aries are known as the babies of the zodiac. No, we don’t cry and poop in a diaper – well, not usually. We’re the first sign, newly hatched chickens! We’re so fresh, we’ve got that New Zodiac Sign Smell! 5.Adventure Five, we’re always up for adventure! Once, I mistook a woman’s pram for a shopping trolley! We ended up in a car chase with the woman shouting, “Give me back my baby!” Adventurous? Yes. Smart? That’s up for debate. 6.Passion That’s our middle name! Even for the mundane tasks. “Get the milk!” becomes “Embrace the dairy aisle! Cuddle the cows! Seduce the semi-skimmed!” 7.Leader Leader of the pack Yes, we like to take charge – it’s like being in an episode of Star Trek every single day. “Boldly go? Oh Captain, I’ve already gone and come back with takeaways!” 8.Secret Every Aries is a secret ninja. We’re the Jackie Chans of the zodiac. You’ve not seen trouble until you’ve tried to pull a surprise party on an Aries! 9.Independent Aries are the most independent. Need help with that jar lid? “No thank you, I’ve got a chainsaw!” 10.Funny This is the golden one folks, we’re hilariously funny! Just like… well… me! It might be part ego, part insanity, but let’s not dig too deep, we’ll leave that to the Scorpios. So, there you have it! The ten best things about being an Aries! You’re all sitting there, thinking, “Wow, I wish I was an Aries!” Well, you can’t be… but we’ll let you hang out with us. But only if you remember – no surprise parties! We’ve got ninja reflexes, remember? Now if you’ll excuse me, my toast is waiting for its head-on tackling! Good night!

The 10 best things about being a Aries Read More »