The Holidays

  What does Christmas mean to each of the Zoodiac Starsign’s Good evening, Ladels and Jellyspoons, I’m here to spread some Christmas cheer and some astrological enlightenment. Starting off, we have the assertive Aries! You folks must love Christmas, right? Or is it just another opportunity to headbutt something (like a reindeer?), proving once again that you’re the rulers of the cosmos, while grumbling about why you weren’t born as the actual Santa Claus! Taurus, on to you. Don’t deny you’re the type who’d cancel all your Christmas plans just to stay in and ‘smell the roses’ or in this case, the glorious scent of gingerbread and pine. You’d go toe to toe with a grumpy Christmas elf if it means getting that last piece of cake. Handsome Geminis, I bet the only thing you love more than talking is… talking with a decorative Christmas hat on! And probably debating whether Rudolph’s nose is really red or it’s just a reflection of all the Christmas lights! Homey Cancer, Christmas for you means fam time, right? By that logic, you’ve probably built a gingerbread house big enough to move your whole family into! Your love for home is only challenged by your secret resentment for the travel-loving Three Wise Men. Leos, the spotlight chasers, for you every Christmas tree is an opportunity to outshine it. You seldom find an ornament shinier than yourselves. You won’t just bring Christmas cheer, but Christmas cheer with some Louis Vuitton wrapping! Balanced Libras, you are the ones most likely to offer Santa homemade cookies and fat-free milk because you know the big man’s cholesterol level is through the chimney. Resourceful Scorpios, I’ve got advice for you this Christmas: Let it go. Elsa is a fictional character; you can’t continue your rivalry with her over who has the coolest icy stare. Sagittarius, adventure is your middle name. Christmas for you means a quest to find the elusive Santa at the North Pole. You’ve probably got your hiking boots on already. Just don’t expect the elves to greet you with a warm cup of cocoa. Capricorn, yearning for order and structure, might have already drafted a performance review for Santa Claus, critiquing his present distribution system. No worries, I’ve heard Santa’s looking for a logistics manager! Airy Aquarius, you forward-thinkers probably gift everyone a piece of tech, while secretly hoping to nab an Alien for Christmas. Make sure you’re not gifting everyone the same tech gadgets you’ve received in the past! Empathetic Pisces, Christmas for you means dreaming of a fried chicken feast but choosing to feed real chicken to the greatest Christmas miracle – a cat wearing a Santa hat! And lastly, Virgos, you perfectionists probably stress over making the best homemade presents, but end up entangled in gift wrappers and Christmas lights, while solving the world’s problems in your head. So belt out those carols and deck those halls—no matter what your sign, let’s face it: Christmas really makes us all a wee bit jollier under the mistletoe! Merry Christmas to you, regardless of whether you are Aries robust or Pisces pacifist, or anything in between!

  What’s the perfect Christmas holiday for each of the Zoodiac Starsign’s Hi there, Fairylights and Jinglebells, Let us let the stars guide your Christmas preparations! Here we go! Hope you’re ready to have some stellar fun because I’m about to tell you how to have the perfect Christmas, based on your zodiac signs. Let’s start with Aries. Aries, you’ve been tearing around like a comet on energy drinks all year, so this Christmas, your perfect holiday is sitting down. And staying down. Maybe bristle a bit as you rip open presents, but remember, it’s the thought that counts, not the speed! Next up, Taurus. You love your comfort, huh? For your Christmas treat, we’re gonna wrap you up in the coziest, fluffiest blanket we can find. Heck, we’ll even throw in a pair of matching slippers. Just make sure not to mistake the Christmas pudding for a cushion! Ah, Gemini! You love a good chit-chat like Venus loves a twinkle! So, assemble your family or friends on Zoom with a plate of Christmas cookies, and start your own World Yule-tide Gossip Championships! Just remember to chew and swallow before revealing Aunt Marjorie’s secret fruitcake recipe. Cancer, you! The natural homebody of the zodiac. Build a gingerbread house that rivals your real home. Go crazy with the candy decorations, but don’t be surprised when your confectionery curtains go missing overnight. Now, for the ever-dramatic Leos! Opt for extra-large presents this year. I mean, why have a Christmas cracker when you can have a Christmas cannon! Let’s just hope the super-sized socks don’t come with a super-sized stench. Next, Virgo. Your perfectionism is legendary. So, set up a Christmas tree with lights arranged to represent all the constellations. It’ll be a good exercise for your meticulousness, just don’t expect the cat to appreciate your ‘Orion’s Belt’! For the lovely Libra, diplomatic and harmonious, organize a carol karaoke night, where the only rule is: everyone’s singing must be as beautiful as Venus’ glow. Earplugs are recommended! Scorpios, listen up! You love a mystery. Instead of regular presents, how about a festive scavenger hunt? The only clue I’ll give is: “not in the chimney.” We don’t want a replay of last year’s soot storm! Sagittarius, the wanderer of the zodiac. Since galactic travel is off the menu this year, bring the galaxy to you! Set up a virtual tour of the farthest, weirdest corners of the universe. Maybe don’t invite Pluto; he’s still salty about the whole ‘not a planet anymore’ thing. Aha, Capricorn! The serious and ambitious one. For you, a challenging jigsaw puzzle of Santa and his reindeers. But here’s the twist: they’re all wearing identical red suits. Ho, ho, oh no! Aquarius, you always love to be unique, so why not host a Christmas party with an extraterrestrial theme? Alien Santa might just bring peace to Earth, assuming he doesn’t mistake the Christmas tree for a spaceship. Lastly, Pisces, the dreamer. Your perfect Christmas is simply curling up with a good festive-themed fantasy book. Let’s just hope the fairy stories don’t conjure up fairy mischief under that mistletoe of yours! Remember, folks, Christmas is all about fun and celebration. Let’s deck the halls with love, laughter, and some weirdly shaped presents! Wishing you a Christmas that’s out of this world! Joy to the universe and a merry cosmic Christmas to all!

  What’s the perfect holiday for each of the Zoodiac Starsign’s Good Day to you, Long-hauls and globetrotters, we’ve got our bags packed, flip-flops flopping, sunhats shading, sunscreens squirting… Oh, wait! You didn’t forget your horoscope, did you? I mean, where else would you get such wholesome, stars-aligned advice? So, let’s get down to a zodiac signs-approved, summer holiday getaway! Aries, you fiery ram! Your impulsiveness is like a never-ending bottle of sunscreen– ever ready to dive into the next adventure! So, let’s pack you off for bungee-jumping. One second, you’re up in the clouds, the next, you’re meeting the earthworms! Talk about a summer love story! Dear Taurus, your stubbornness is legendary! But come on, face it, isn’t that spa resort you’ve been eyeing up for months just right for you? You could spend an entire day deciding between a hot stone treatment or a Swedish massage. What a dilemma, huh?! Blessed Gemini, with your dual personality, you might as well plan a summer trip for 24 people! How about multitasking at a summer festival, combining your love for music, theatre, food and… talking to strangers! Dear, sweet Cancer, for you, a perfect summer holiday has ‘home’ written all over it! Let’s book you a cottage that feels just like home, only this one is on a beach, surrounded by sparkling waters, and thank the universe, no house chores! Now Leo, for your royal highness, a star-studded trip to Hollywood or a luxurious hotel in Vegas, replete with champagne showers and red carpets, you’d be basking in all that attention like a kitten in the warm summer sun! And Virgo, you organized soul, a well-planned hike up the mountain with your backpack neatly ordered – tents, food, maps, compass – all in separately labeled compartments, sounds like a dream vacation, doesn’t it? Heavenly Libras, your sense of balance extends to vacations as well. A yoga retreat in Bali sounds just like your jam, where you can harmonize your body, mind, and spirit, and hey, you could even balance a coconut on your head for those Instagram shots! Scorpio! A mystery to us all. A solo trip to the Northern Lights? That way, when someone asks where you went, you can just say “To see the magic!” Just remember, ‘the cold never bothered me anyway’ only works for Elsa, not you. Sagittarians! Always seeking knowledge! How about a trip to the Egyptian Pyramids? But remember, ‘walk like an Egyptian’ is a metaphor, not a mandatory dress code! Capricorn! You hard-working lot. Why not explore the Scottish Highlands? Just remember to spot the difference: a bagpipe is a musical instrument, not a fancy lunch box! Aquarius, the world’s inventors. How about a technological tour of Tokyo? But don’t come back with robotic versions of yourselves because we can’t handle two of ‘you’! Last but not least, our dreamy Pisces. A serene holiday under the Bora Bora sea bungalows sounds like a dream. Just remember, talking to dolphins is fun, but make sure you don’t forget human language! That’s all folks! Remember, a good holiday is all about fun! Don’t forget to pack your sense of humor, and keep smiling regardless of what the universe throws at you!